My daughter and I went for a coffee the other morning.
(Ok, I had coffee, she had water. She's eight months old, so a babyccino felt a little inappropriate)
We went to a local cafe that was very quiet. In fact, there were only two other people there - a young couple.
Had I been there on my own, I wouldn't have given them a second thought. But my parental hyper-vigilance took in the tracksuit, hoody, and coarse language. I made my judgement, based on stereotype, and I was on alert.
We were sitting the other end of the cafe but he was talking rather loudly. So we could hear everything.
This guy was telling a story about his last lads' holiday. (It sounded like a big one).
My daughter is curious about everything, and has no fear of strangers. So after examining the table and salt shaker, she turned in her highchair to look this man right in the eye.
It took him a moment to notice. But when he saw her, he went bright red and started apologising profusely. He looked so embarrassed to have been talking as he had been in front of my daughter.
In that moment, I learned a few things.
Books and Covers
Despite the saying, we all judge books by their covers. I had written this poor guy off as someone who was unaware, uncaring and rude.
He wasn't. Far from it. He was just telling his story in his way.
But I had judged him on sight. My daughter reminded me what coaching has taught me over the years - a person can surprise you. A person has limitless potential. But we tend not to give them the chance to show it.
Our Reality, Isn't
My judgement upon entering the cafe started a story in my mind. As any new parent will know, most things look like threats to your baby. So because I had deemed the next table as a 'potential threat', I was playing out scenarios.
What if they get louder and my daughter starts crying? What if they don't like that and get angry? Perhaps I should be ready to leave?
And so on, and so on.
My daughter - and the couple - were having a lovely morning. I was the problem. To me there was a threat, but in reality there was none.
So ultimately, I was just stressing myself out.
Perspective is Everything
Someone told me once that babies are born with only two fears - loud noises, and falling.
This means that they learn all the others.
We see this every day.
Some people a scared of sales, others love it. Some consider public speaking worse than death, and others make it a career. For some, the idea of working freelance is impossible. Others would have it no other way.
Of course, some fears are rational, and helpful. But most aren't. Most are just learned perspectives. And that is a powerful thought.
It means that, if we learned to be afraid of something, we can learn to not be afraid of it. We can see it from another perspective.
Enjoy this article? You'll love this one on Imperfection and Potential and this one featuring more on Perspective